Submitted by Marilyn Schwing
Subject: Heavenly Voice Mail
Thank God, Heaven doesn't use Voice Mail! Most of us have now
learned to
live with "voice mail" as a necessary part of our daily lives. But
have you
ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail?
Imagine praying and hearing the following:
Thank you for calling Heaven.
For English, Press 1, for Spanish, Press 2, and for
all other languages, press 0.
Please select one of the following options:
Press 1 for Requests.
Press 2 for Thanksgiving.
Press 3 for Complaints.
Press 4 for all other inquires.
I am sorry all of our angels and saints are busy helping other sinners right
now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the
order it was received. Please stay on the line.
If you would like to speak to:
God, Press 1.
Jesus, Press 2.
Holy Spirit, Press 3.
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are holding,
press 4.
To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, press 5, then enter
hisor her social security number, followed by the pound sign. (If you receive
a negative response, please hang up and try area code: 666.
For reservations in Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N, followed by the numbers
3-1-6. For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the
earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until you
arrive.
Our Computers show that you have already prayed today. Please hang
up and
try again tomorrow. The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a
religious holiday. Please pray again on Monday, after 9:30 A.M.
If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please
cntact
your local Pastor.
Thank you and have a heavenly day!
