Submitted by Marilyn Schwing
The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy
father to start their family. On the day the proxy
father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife
and said, I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door
baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to
make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me
but
I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you,"
Mrs.
Smith cut in.
Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've
made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come
in and have a seat.
Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the
bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun >too;
you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work
for Harry and me."
>
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one
every
time. But if we try several different positions and I
shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be
pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped
Mrs.
Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time.
I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd
be disappointed with that, I'm sure." "Don't I know!!"
Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a
portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the
top of a bus in downtown London." "Oh my god!!" Mrs.
Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when
you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.
"She was difficult ?" asked Mrs Smith. "Yes, I'm
afraid so.
I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
done right. People were crowding around four and five
deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs Smith, eyes widened in
amazement. "Yes", the photographer said. "And for more
than three hours too. The mother was constantly
squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then
darkness approached and I began to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on
my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually
chewed on your, eh......equipment?" "That's right.
Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so
"Tripod??", Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting
ready for action. Madam? Madam?.....
Good Lord,
she's fainted!!"
