Submitted by Marilyn Schwing

 Poor Old Lady -
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench
sobbing her eyes out.  I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love tome every
morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, freshfruit and
freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite
brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon".

I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite
dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.

I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!"


ATHEIST

An atheist was walking through the woods one day, admiring all that
Evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river!
What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside
the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to
look, he saw an 8 foot grizzly bear beginning to charge towards him. He ran
as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that
the bear was rapidly closing on him. Somehow, he ran even faster, so
scared that tears came to his eyes.  He looked again and the bear was even
closer. His heart pounding in his chest, he tried to run faster yet. But
alas, he tripped and fell to the ground.  As he rolled over to pick himself
up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and
raising its right paw to strike him.
"OH MY GOD! ...
Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent.  Even the
river stopped moving  ...
As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came
from all around, "You deny my existence for all these years, teach others
that I don't exist; and even credit creation to some cosmic accident. Do
you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as
a believer???"
Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and
said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these
years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"
"Very Well." said The Voice. The light went out. The river ran. The sounds of the forest
resumed. ... and the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws
together, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, thank you for this food which I am about
to receive.....